A Review-ish on Self Portrait by Sasha Sloan

I stumbled upon "Too Sad To Cry" from the Spotify playlist, "Life Sucks". Lol.

I guess I was feeling pretty bad and wanted to cry instead of keeping all my emotions cooped up inside. This isn't gonna be a critical review but more of an emotional one. The lyrics really spoke to me because I was feeling distant from God because of my sins. I didn't really know what to do with them. Although the song wasn't exactly my life because I don't see a therapist, it does feel like that.
Here are the lyrics copied from Google.

Wasn't raised religiousBut I wish that I wasHavin' nothin' to believe inHas been killin' my buzz

I was raised religious, but I didn't really believe in it too much before, but yeah it would be easier if I was very religious and perfect, but I guess life isn't all that easy.

Yeah, I cut my hair, close the blindsPlay Hallelujah like two dozen timesAnd yesterday, I tried to prayBut I didn't know what to say

It does feel like I'm distant from God the more I sin, because it's true. When I consciously do the things I know will end up with me in hell, it does feel depressive as hell. And when you sin, you just don't know what to say to God, even if you need Him. The relationship becomes severed in a sense, like a stranger.

I'm too sad to cry, too high to get upDon't even try 'cause I'm scared to fuck upDon't like to talk, I just lay in my bedDon't even try to go out with my friendsLied to my doctor, she knew I was fakin'Gave me some pills, but I'm too scared to take 'emI try and I try, but I'm too sad to cry

Well, I don't do weed regularly so I'm not high in the sense but I do think that I'm addicted to a different thing. I've been playing Blockudoku even when I'm tired or don't feel like playing. It's a sort of addiction just because it's habitual and I feel just like what she sings, that I can't control my own actions anymore. Depression just makes me want to lay in my bed forever.

Songwriters: Shane Mcanally / Henry Allen

I guess that's all... I tried to search for the songwriters to see if they have any other songs because of how much I related to the lyrics, but I couldn't find any. So I just played blockudoku while i cry as i lay on my bed.

The second song I cried to was surprise surprise, "Thank God".

It was about her being grateful to God for creating hell because she thinks it's where she deserves to be and can "be herself". I felt that too. I've been joking about going to hell because of my sins but it's only a joke because "it's only funny because it's true." well not really funny, I do feel depressive as hell because of that. I mostly cried because someone finally agreed and confirmed that yes, mortal sin will in fact put you in hell. An eternal fire of damnation, not just  a jokey joke that you say now. I guess being depressive as hell means what it means. Probably ten times worse.

For the rest of the songs, I didn't really like them so much, perhaps a 5/10?
I don't really know how to rate things, either I like it or I don't. I could see how it links up, I guess, with a sad song about overthinking,

"Thoughts",

and then

"Thank God", a realization that she'll end up in hell, an acceptance of a sort,

"Keep On", which was a more motivational song after accepting that we'll all end up in hell, perhaps to party on or something.

Then

"Dancing With Your Ghost", perhaps a previously written song because it doesn't go as well with the rest,

"at least i look cool" to continue glorifying partying on after being sad about exes for a quick 3 minutes. i also remembered the first time i was recommended this song on youtube, didn't like it too much, just vapid lyrics about our current generation.

"Too Sad To Cry", as described above,

then finally

"smiling when i die", to "finish off the song" per se. I didn't focus too much on the last song, it was alright I guess. the typical "i wanna die" teen mindset.

So that's my review for the 22 mins and 34 seconds album released in October 2019.

The problem with The Sinner (Netflix, 2018)

I started watching episode 1 from recommendations and it honestly, it was a hard one to sit through. The overacting, displaced storyline just couldn't pull me in. They should've started from the parents killed and slowly reveal the reason and how he did it instead of starting like their episode did. It was boring to sit through with filler shots.

But of course, this is just a premature review so I might be wrong about things :) Comment below and tell me what you think if you liked the show!

The Lost Thing and Cicada by Shaun Tan

I was supposed to edit videos because I've found that routine increasingly bogs me down lower and lower. When I was in Melbourne, I went into a bookshop and saw The Red Tree by Shaun Tan. Even though it's been almost two years, I still think about it from time to time. Today was one of those days. The graphics in the books and the short captions that say the most had left an imprint on me. I suppose I regret a little bit not getting it that time, but at least I took a picture of the cover to remember it by. However, I have to admit, RM 50 for a picture book is pretty pricey for a student like me, but I wonder if I thought about it so much, does it mean I should really have it?

Anyways, I looked Shaun Tan up to see his other books. So far, I watched the trailer for Cicada and The Lost Thing.

Gosh, tell me you didn't like it!! cus u can't.

"No sick day. No mistake."
This quote hit too close to home...

If you looked at the comment section, most of the school kids are commenting that they were shown this video for school. It's just a really ironic picture to me because I was an adult, halfway across the world (ok maybe I exaggerate because Malaysia is close compared to Australia) looking for the video. And the video rang true, yet again, with the kids being shown the video without grasping the full knowledge of it because perhaps they were too young to understand it or because they haven't gone through that dreaded path in life when you have to decide to give up your childhood dreams. :(
The lost thing inside all of us.

Midnight Gospel Review After Two Episodes

It’s the “last” week of MCO right now. Monday, 5.24pm. I just finished my Texas chicken and the second episode of Midnight Gospel. I suppose, two things that weren’t really what I expected to be doing at this moment? This was the second time we sneaked Texas chicken into my body, and the third time for fried chicken this lockdown. It’s funny and sad I guess, because why should we be hiding ourselves? Anyways, I didn’t think I’d like Midnight Gospel from the first episode. As I said, they rambled on and on for a long time and perhaps my bar was raised because it was Pendleton Ward! But as I continued where I last watched, my guards were down, and my eyes were slightly distracted. The colourful cartoons didn’t seem to bother me so much anymore. I guess it’s kinda like watching Adventure Time for the first time? Their off key music was different and caught me off guard but after a while it sort of grew on me, because of how itself it was. Then I realised that was what Midnight Gospel was, too. It was like those commentary videos with a random gameplay on YouTube. Although the vision and the hearing was separated, it might be off at first, but then you sort of got used to it. It had music, a pattern, a story. It was good enough.                                                                    

hello hi the other day i "promoted" myself on the rookiemag comment section lmao but i think it didn't work?? because i think the readers on my blogs are just ghost readers... oh well i think no one is gonna read my blog anyways lol

today i'm gonna blog about.............AZN MODELS!!! woo yeah!!!

also blogging is supposed to be about yourself right?? haha but my life is pretty boring ( i hope only for now) and i know people say like "oh u make ur life" but whatevs

the two more internet famous ones are kiko mizuhara and soo joo recently i think??

i remember seeing soo joo on urban outfitters a long time ago and thought she was pretty and emailed urban outfitters who she was. they never replied

idk they just look really nice. i like their hair!!

look at her in extra large!!! x means extra right?? and this was what i meant in my last post. about the rings!!
she rocks those dark roots like no one else!!! lol i also like the blonde hair dark eyebrows thing going on. super hip.

this is kiko mizuhara

this is taken from her instagram i think. look at that hair!!! they're also super hip!! and look at her cute tiny nails!!! she would've easily pulled off the black nails/ glittery nails. also i've painted my tiny toenails black which had chipped so much 


look at these models! gorgeous with good fashion taste.

no collage today soz. bye noobz!! (i'm sorry if ure offended when i called u a noob. if u are i take it back)

again an instrumental lmao pretty lame (it's from it's kind of a funny story) it's a piano cover of the pixies so ya 

hello hello hi hey wassup yo

today i bring u 3 exciting things

see how i bolded exciting aw shit

1. a new tv show hurray!!
 ......... Orange Is the New Black!!!!!
    speaking of orange is the new black, i tried painting my nails black for the 2nd time (i think) and i think i will stop because this isn't working for me :-( i just look like a fuckin emo (no offence emos but i wasn't trying to reach that look) lol those kids with cute tiny bitten off nails totally rock them tho u guys look um.. grungy? good for u!!! now i'm just tryna rock that glitter nail... nail as in one nail because i literally just painted my left ring finger only. it's not that i don't like it, just nail polishes feel weird on my nails lol like heavy and i don't rly like it... plus when i dig my boogies they smell (tmi hehe pls dont leave) oh and i meant by those transparent glitter nail polish :-)

omg guys trust me i'm not 12 even though i type like one!!!! it's just that it feels better typing like that, not all formal, like eating ice cream

2.  here is a collage!!!! again... yep.

3.  accessories that look nice i think

         .......... stackable rings!!! lol i mean like the thin ones that are cheap and like wow man i want them! just put them all oVER ur fingers they look so cute lol... like chokers for your nails! ... just go on ebay and type thin rings, they're easy to find.
ok bye!!!!


finally a song of the post!!! xxxxxxxxxx(my kisses on cheeks for u guys because u read my blog, on lips if you're cute hehe)

 

7th of JULy yo or julyO idk

yo yo yo ding dongzz
i made a poopy collage

also blogger is being poopy

here is the "something i want"
 (bcus i dont rly listen to music ok bye) can u recommend pls